I'm sure you've heard the metaphor before... 'back in the saddle' or 'back on the horse'. That's where I'm sitting today.
I told myself I'd write a blog post about writing/life/etc. once a week, every Friday.
I did pretty well : I gave myself loopholes to help me succeed
- Fridays I was traveling wouldn't count, I didn't have to write, I was traveling...
- if I came up with a cool blog idea earlier in the week, I could write it then and post-date it, and that would count as my writing on Friday...
But even with these loopholes, I didn't make it.
My last post was from the start of April. I missed a whole April of Fridays. (and I was only traveling on one of them - Lover's Leap, New Milford, Connecticut, what's up!!) To bring the metaphor to full resolve, I fell off the horse (totally unprovoked by the animal itself), landed in the mud and lost my house key.
It took me a while to find said key, shower off the mud and approach that benevolent animal again.
Writing a blog each week, when I had a perfect record of writing a blog each week, was easy to continue.
Writing a blog each week, when I had a perfect record of writing a blog each week, wasn't a questionable activity. I wrote a blog! Every Friday! It's what I did!
But coming back, writing this blog today... it's very difficult.
It's not even Friday.
I forgot my website password. I had to look it up. It had been that long since my last sign in. I didn't know if should I address the time lapse in a blog like this? Or just let it be? I asked myself, what's the point of writing these things? Does anybody even read them?
The pattern was broken, the habit was broken, was my blog now too broken to repair?
Jon Acuff addresses this conundrum in his book, Finish. He calls it "the day after perfect". The day most people quit projects, habits, resolutions etc is the day after you stop being perfect at whatever it is you were trying to do. When you're still perfect at the promise, it's easy to keep. The hard part is, once you've let yourself down. to get yourself back up, again.
Nobodies' perfect. We make mistakes, we have lapses, we rebel against our own best intentions.
The trick is, once that mistake, that lapse or that rebellion is over... to get back on the horse, again.
I don't know if anybody reads these short blogs. I don't even know how to create a comments section or a subscription button to get the blog into potential readers hands. Maybe I'll figure those things out, maybe I won't. But, that's not why I write my blog. (Of course, if you do read these posts, thank you, you're really wonderful people, and I really like that colour on you...)
I write to express thoughts and ideas I find helpful or interesting and to commit to a practice that suits me. So, yeah. April got away from me.... now it's May. I'm back. Giving it my best effort again.